Like a block of mozzarella, confidential documents are best enjoyed in shredded form, then baked atop layers of dough and tomato sauce and served at children's birthday parties. Send sensitive material to its final resting place in a safer, more mechanical way with today’s Groupon: for $45, you get up to six boxes or bags of documents shredded by Scorpion Data Security in Vandalia (a $90 value). Bring in your documents to be shredded on Saturday, April 30, May 7, or May 14 from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Authorized by the National Association for Information Destruction, Scorpion systematically exterminates confidential documents and materials for banks, health-care providers, insurance and real estate agencies, and other notoriously tight-lipped markets, and also for individuals with sensitive material. The company's talented shredder feeders will unload your documents from your vehicle and into one of Scorpion's on-site document-destruction vehicles. Every step of the process is designed to comply with federal laws requiring certain types of companies to shred documents to prevent consumer fraud, corporate espionage, or the tragic public dissemination of junior-high-school diaries.

Scorpion issues a certificate of destruction after the task is completed and a certificate of participation is fed through the shredder on behalf of the mangled documents inside. Paper clips and binders are no match for Scorpion's shredders, so customers won't have to coax staples out of their piles of credit-card bills, tax forms, or rejected Major Dad spec scripts beforehand. Scorpion also pulpifies and recycles the mangled remains of your paper pile.