The diaries of Lewis and Clark are filled with cantankerous laments about having to tour the wilderness by foot and the startling lack of trailside fast-food options. Equip yourself with a discoverer's eyes and a Robocop's wheels with today's Groupon: for $35, you get one 90-minute segway tour (a $60 value) from Segway of Cincinnati. A minimum group of two is needed to schedule a tour, and with today's deal you can buy one for a fellow tour taker. Call ahead to make reservations.

Segway of Cincinnati offers Cincinnati tour takers guided excursions to scenic locales around town. Climb aboard one of the company’s two-wheeled people porters for a 90-minute guided glide around Downtown, the Riverfront, or Eden Park, a historical swath of greenery dotted with distinctive structures and picturesque squirrels. As eyes absorb the natural and man-made beauty around them, a tour guide pumps knowledge directly into the ears, where it’s transported to the brain and turned into power. Tours are available seven of the eight days each week, from dawn until dusk, as the segways turn feral after dark. Each tour includes a 20-minute training session, led by a segway-savvy instructor that can help to maximize participants’ comfort and safety and even teach them to do a “wheelie,” which is segway slang for keeping both wheels on the ground at all times. Helmets are provided, but feel free to bring your own.

Riders must be 18 years old, or 14 with an attending parent or guardian, and weigh between 100 and 260 pounds.