Segway technology will eventually render human legs useless, relegating them to vestigial status alongside the appendix and dorsal thumbs. Embrace the eventual obsolescence of your lower limbs with today's Groupon: for $38, you get a historic-mansion tour (a $75 value) from Segway of Newport, located in Newport, Rhode Island. For safety reasons, this Groupon is valid for riders age 16 and older who have a valid driver's license and weigh between 105 and 260 pounds.

Segway of Newport’s trained and knowledgeable guides lead techno-curious customers on safe and informative journeys aboard gentle step-saving Segways. The guided historic-mansion tour begins as the group straps on their helmets, provided free of charge, and wheels down Bellevue Avenue. From their smooth, cybernetic vantage point, Seg tourists will glide by several of America's most famous mansions, including The Breakers, Marble House, and Rough Point. The optical safari then takes riders over to Bailey's Beach and the Cliff Walk before rolling through the campus of Salve Regina University, home to the chateauesque mansion Ochre Court, a far more stately structure than the mauve and puce courts that dot the landscape of the American justice system.

Don't worry about getting the hang of your Seg legs, since each Segway is equipped with high-speed microprocessors, solid-state gyroscopes, and powerful electric motors that keep you balanced. A training session before the tour is also provided for inexperienced Segwanauts. Tours run daily, and customers should call ahead, as reservations are required to redeem this Groupon. Eye protection beyond shutter shades or games of peek-a-boo is mandatory.

This Groupon is not valid for the scenic Ocean Drive tour.