When the sensory technology of humanoid robots becomes advanced enough to systematically eliminate human life, real humans will have an 8-miles-per-hour head start on their Segways. Today's Groupon puts you at the front of the pack: $39 for a 90-minute tour with Segway of Tempe or Segway of Scottsdale, almost half off their regular prices. Tours are available daily at 10 a.m., 12:30 p.m., and 2:30 p.m.
Glide effortlessly across the majestic terrain of either Desert Ridge or Tempe, snapping photos of cacti, tourists, and tourists dressed as cacti while you hear a fully narrated tour of the area from master thespian Morgan Freeman, who is such a good actor that he will sound completely different and will possibly even use a secret codename. Each tour begins with a 30-minute orientation, ensuring that you can handle your new bi-wheeled steed with the grace and confidence of Clayton Moore. Then it's off for an hour-long adventure, zipping through Desert Ridge or Tempe Town Lake. Don't worry about getting your Seg-legs, because each Segway is equipped with high-speed microprocessors, solid-state gyroscopes, and powerful electric motors that keep you balanced in even the thickest of locust plagues.
Riders must be at least 16 years old and more than 100 pounds. To remember these conditions, try visualizing a cat that would meet them.
The Arizona Republic featured the arrival of Segway tours in Tempe:
- There are two primary ways to traverse the long, winding path around Tempe Town Lake: by foot and by bike. Soon there will be a new way: Segway. Segway of Scottsdale owner Brian Lamacchia said the two-wheel electric vehicles are perfect for buzzing along the approximately four miles of paths that circle the lake and checking out the sights. – William Hermann, Arizona Republic
Segway of Scottsdale
The experienced tour guides at Segway of Scottsdale lead fleets of two-wheelers through one of two scenic Arizona cities during an extensive schedule of rides. Guests gear up for either of the 90-minute tours by hopping aboard a segway, whose self-balancing technology allows riders to tilt handlebars gently for turns or quickly for back flips. During the summer months, groups traverse the town's bridges and boulevards at dusk, stopping by landmarks such as Arizona State University and Sun Devil Stadium, whose eponymous student-athletes practice under solar-powered stadium lights to escape the chill of night. The Old Town Scottsdale Tour in particular is noted for its historic charm. Adventurousness guests can explore that charming area, including the Waterfront Main Street, and the Civic Center, glowing at night on the City Lights Tour.