When humanoid robots attempt to systematically eliminate mankind, real humans will have an 8-mile-per-hour head start on their Segways. Today's Groupon puts you at the front of the pack: for $39, you get a tour with Segway of Tempe and Segway of Scottsdale. Tours depart from Hayden Ferry Lakeside in Tempe and JW Marriott Desert Ridge in Phoenix daily. Check the calendar for specific times.

Glide effortlessly across Tempe or Scottsdale's majestic terrain on a narrated tour of cultural sites and natural beauty along Desert Ridge. Snap photos of cacti, tourists, and tourists dressed as cacti while enjoying a fully narrated tour of the area from master thespian Morgan Freeman, who is such a good actor that he will sound completely different, as well as possibly use a secret codename.

Each tour begins with a 30-minute orientation, ensuring riders can handle the bi-wheeled steed with grace and confidence. Then it's off for an hour-long adventure, zipping through Town Lake or Scottsdale. Don't worry about getting Seg-legs, because each Segway is equipped with high-speed microprocessors, solid-state gyroscopes, and powerful electric motors that keep riders balanced in even the thickest of locust plagues.

Riders must be at least 16 years of age and more than 100 pounds.