A horse is a horse, of course, of course—unless that horse is emerging from a seal opened by a lamb and carrying a skeleton with a scythe on its back. Keep your equine activities firmly on this plane of existence with today's deal: for $150, you get a four-week intro horse-riding course at Seventh Farm in River Falls, WI, about 35–45 minutes outside of the Twin Cities. Seventh Farm will provide all safety helmets, saddles, and equipment. Adults and children at least nine years old can sign up; participants less than 18 will need a signed waiver from a parent.

At Seventh Farm, fledgling equestrians will be guided through a four-week introductory course that meets for two hours each week. Owners Tom and Liz teach all the classes themselves and limit class size to three or four students at a time so that all participants are given extra care and attention. This eliminates confusion, dangerously steep learning curves, and amateur dressage errors such as accidentally dressing a male horse in a sundress. Seventh Farm's horses likewise receive excellent care and nutrition and have been specially trained as teaching horses, so they're not easily spooked by nervous students, hyperactive children, or malingering jockey ghosts.

Over the course of Seventh Farm's ultra-safe, no-crash crash course in equitable equitation, you'll learn about basic horse care such as brushing and grooming and most importantly, about horse psychology, anatomy, behavior, and communication. After you've mastered the proper use and fit of saddles and horse equipment, you'll practice leading and controlling horses from the ground before being taught to ride them at a walk and trot. Once you've learned to steer and regulate the speed of your steed, you'll have acquired the foundation you need for more-advanced horse-riding skills such as loop-de-loops, break dancing, 1080 aerials, inverse jousting (where the horse rides you), and slow-motion leaps over orcs.

As summer approaches with the stubborn inexorability of a flirty drunk in a crowded bar, today's Groupon to Seventh Farm gives you an opportunity to satisfy long-held fantasies of riding across a windswept plain or down a perpetually sunset beach. Call ahead to schedule your first class at Seventh Farm.