If the shortest distance between two points is a straight line, then disheveled hair provides the least efficient route for climbing monkeys to reach the bananas in your fruit hat. Today's Groupon tames tresses for easy scaling: for $69, you get a Keratin Express blowout treatment by Sheree Maldonado at Sculptures Salon and Spa on 61st Street (a $139 value).

Trained in the application of state-of-the-art Keratin Complex Smoothing Therapies, professional stylist Sheree Maldonado will quickly and safely straighten and soften hair, leaving it shinier, less frizzy, and more manageable. Hair is first washed and conditioned, prepping head strands for their coming transformation and lulling cranky scalps into a peaceful slumber. The formaldehyde-free treatment is then worked into the hair, infusing keratin deep into the follicle to eliminate frizz and create a protective coating around each strand that barricades it from the destructive power of moisture, humidity, and marauding hair Vikings. The treatment is locked in with a heating iron, working each section of hair three to four times—as opposed to the five to seven times required for the regular blowout—allowing clients to get the anti-frizz effect in about half the time. Hair must be kept dry and hanging straight for only eight hours after the treatment, allowing same-day shampooing and eliminating the regular treatment's 72-hour proscription against bathing and bicycling through car washes. The treatment keeps luscious locks moisturized and frizz-free for up to six weeks, and clients go home with their own shampoo and conditioner to facilitate future mane maintenance.