In the future, teeth will contain microchips—called molar panels—that collect the sun's energy to power gum chewing and forced smiling during awkward encounters with former bosses and guidance counselors. Benefit from current tooth-tending technologies with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a 60-minute in-office teeth- whitening treatment with DaVinci Teeth Whitening at Shore Smiles (a $317 value).
In just one hour, the DaVinci Teeth Whitening System can deliver results that leave teeth up to 14 shades whiter. The office visit begins with a consultation before the technician applies the signature whitening solution—an organic plant- and mineral-based gel made fresh for your treatment—to your chompers. A specially designed LED laser light is used alongside the brushed-on hydrogen-peroxide gel to grapple unruly biters into sparkling submission. Once the tonal transformation is complete, patients walk away with the graffiti of tobacco, wine, coffee, and age erased from the highway overpass of their smile. The results typically last one to three years but will last longer if mouthbones are properly maintained through careful dental hygiene and bribery of the Tooth Fairy.