Hair is like detailed knowledge of X-Files plotlines—while extremely useful, revealing too much of it in the wrong place can sink your social life. Today's Groupon abducts rogue hairs with technology invented by a shadowy group of elites known only as the Syndicate: for $165, you'll get three laser hair-removal treatments at Skin Tight Medi-Spa and Salon, located in Colgate at the corner of Hwy. 164 and County Line Road.

At Skin Tight, you can dispel disobedient hairs on the lip (valued at $105 per treatment), the chin ($130), or the underarm ($170). There is currently a coupon on their website offering half off a second hair-removal treatment with the purchase of a first, so that discount has been taken into account for this Groupon's total value. This Groupon is good toward only one area of treatment, and each of the three treatments should be scheduled in four-week intervals. During each session, Dr. Kevin M. Robertson will lead his squad of nationally certified laser technicians across the body’s canyons and coastlines armed only with the latest ProWave IPL technology to defend themselves in dense follicle forests. A complimentary consultation is required prior to service, in which a licensed skincare sage will analyze the candidate’s dermis and decide if it is suitable for laser treatment. If the patient does not qualify, the value of this Groupon will be refunded in full.

Though laser hair removal is not necessarily painless, it is significantly less painful than the removal of a duct-tape moustache. With elegantly tiled floors, a plethora of contemporary artwork, and warm carnelian- and almond-colored walls, Skin Tight’s serene atmosphere can put even the most anxious of patients at ease. Call ahead for an appointment; this Groupon is valid for new patients only.