Today's modern world, with its plethora of countries, panoply of waterways, and constantly changing laws about what is and what isn't mail fraud, is as confusing as it is stressful. Get a clear definition of relaxation with today's Groupon to Slim and Tone. Choose between the following options:

• For $7.50, you get a 30-minute Silver Cloud mechanical massage (a $15 value).
• For $25, you get a 50-minute infrared body wrap (a $50 value).

In a friendly setting, Slim and Tone’s health gurus cultivate a supportive environment for customers to get fit, tone bodies, and relax muscles. During a 30-minute mechanical Silver Cloud massage, a massaging table kneads knots from bodies, eliminating muscles soreness and mental stress from new workout regimes or failed auditions for the United States Postal Service. Or, opt for the 50-minute body wrap, which ensconces soul-sacks in a bed of steady infrared heat, spurring the body to burn up to 1,400 calories, as well as any tattoos created with flammable ink. Over the ensuing 36 hours, the skin can release toxins stored in excess water, potentially reducing cellulite, trimming inches, and reducing pain and stiffness in joints, ligaments, and rusty rib cages. Clients can watch TV, listen to music, or practice dramatic readings of the Magna Carta.