Like a good horror movie, a good weight-loss regimen shocks the body out of its lethargy, which is why so many personal trainers chase their clients on treadmills while brandishing anacondas. Get in less terrified shape with today’s Groupon: for $79, you get a weight-loss package at SlimXpress (a $379 value). Choose between the Glendale and Los Angeles locations.
The weight-loss package includes the following:
- Four lipotropic injections fortified with vitamin B12.
- A preliminary medical consultation.
- A body-composition measurement.
- A custom SlimXpress workbook.
- Two follow-up visits.
SlimXpress’s silhouette-trimming lipotropic injections aim to activate the liver’s fat incinerators and boost energy levels with vitamin B12. Packages begin with a medical consultation, during which a doctor or nurse listens to each client’s weight-loss goals, illustrates the fundamentals of the program using a workbook compiled from two decades of research and a series of clips from The Incredible Shrinking Man, and evaluates each body’s composition and rhetoric. Physiques receive their first in a series of four injections, the rest of which will be administered over consequent visits. Conducted by vitamin B12, a fugue of amino acids aims to jolt awake metabolic rates, helping the liver expel fat stores so it has more room to horde its Bananarama LPs. The injections may help figures shed up to 14 pounds, and two follow-up visits ensure progress tracks toward a more svelte shape.
At SlimXpress, scores of health professionals work to develop personalized weight-loss plans and bolster clients' personal fitness. Staff members analyze clients' health and physique goals, using results from an FDA-approved ultrasound system to draft a personalized plan. Through formulated injections, nutrition plans, and miniature campfires, waist whittlers are primed to reach ketosis, a bodily state resulting in natural metabolic fat burning. Each program and treatment employs knowledge grounded in science to ensure healthy weight loss.