Dirty clothes are traditionally worn only by grungy rock stars, mystical imaginary vagabonds, and royals who want to understand life outside castle walls. If you don't fit into one of these categories, pick up today's Groupon: for $15, you get $40 worth of drop-off laundry services or $30 worth of self-serve laundry services at Sparklean Laundry Systems, with locations on Golden State Avenue and Niles Street.
Sparklean Laundry Systems is a full-service laundry facility in which high-end industrial washers and dryers hum sudsy lullabies seven days a week. With today's Groupon in your hamper, hamster's hamper, or portable ham cabinet, you and your family can get $40 worth of dirty laundry washed, dried, and folded by one of Sparklean's purifying professionals (32 lbs. at $1.25 per lb.). The time you save by having someone else launder your threads can be spent on more important things, such as frolicking in the early spring air, getting your checkbook back in balance, or patenting your poultice for growing robust beards and mustaches. If you prefer to spend your freed-up minutes relaxing, pop a squat in front of one of Sparklean's on-site flat-screen TVs. Same-day service is available by request during the week, and this Groupon can be used over multiple visits.
Customers who love the smell of fabric softener beneath their fingernails can also take laundering matters into their own hands. Washers ($1.98–$8.89) and dryers ($.45 per every 12 minutes) capable of holding up to 80 pounds of soiled garments whisk dirt and grime away to a distant farm with plenty of other stains for them to play with. To ease the cleaning, on-site attendants remain at the ready to answer questions and assist customers with the use of the facilities' coin-hating, card-operated machines.