In addition to experiencing the humiliation of being buried by dogs and dug up by science teachers, skeletons are ornery because they lack the musculature necessary to get massaged. Avoid taking your skin for granted with today's Groupon: for $20, you get a 30-minute human or equine massage at Spirit of Massage (a $40 value).
Spirit of Massage kneads horses and their riders in relaxing massage therapy for either species. Equissage sessions use hands-on techniques similar to human massage to relieve the aches of athletic quadrupeds, delivered by a licensed equine-sports-massage therapist. Greedy humans can use their advanced thumbs and prehensile tails to distract therapists with their own muscular tension, choosing from options that include a traditional Swedish massage to awaken the lymphatic systems. An Earth Bones hot-stone massage relaxes the tension acquired from trying to one-up leaping horses, and the Reiki massage employs the palm to unlock tight muscles, freeing up therapist fingers to craft complex cat's cradles.