Historians agree that pottery art is the purest record of antiquated cultures, just as every vase from the ‘80’s depicts denim-clad throngs doing the Electric Slide. Sum up civilization with today’s Groupon to Splatters Pottery, Painting, & More in Alpharetta. Choose from the following options:

• For $15, you get $30 toward pottery painting.
• For $20, you get $45 toward mosaics.
• For $69, you get a private pottery party for 8–10 people (up to a $180 value).<p>

Splatters’s do-it-yourself pottery studio pairs inspired patrons with a prefabricated stock of paintable glass and mosaic pottery ready for painting. Dye a picture frame ($30) to match a favorite photo, or personalize a platter ($30) with helpful hints such as “Gratuity is appreciated” to be rediscovered at the end of every meal. Collectible figurines ($6+) proudly bear their new owner’s personal style or family crest, and myriad mosaics ($20–$64/each) in shapes such as football helmets, geckos, and hearts provide a piecemeal canvas for colorists. Every pot of color contains toxin-free paints, and the glazes used in the establishment’s kilns contain no lead, making finished vessels safe to drink or eat from.

Alternatively, party packages provide attendees—typically kids—with a choice of any piece in the store priced up to $15 to paint, tie-dye, or sculpt. An attendant monitors partygoers and resupplies paint pots as necessary during the 90-minute session in a private party room. If the occasion is a little one’s birthday, the star receives a complimentary birthday party plate from the store to commemorate the birthday celebrant’s successful avoidance of death by chocolate.

Once finished with a painting project, participants hand their piece to the staffers, who will glaze and fire it in the onsite kilns, readying it for pickup in a week or less.