The Tooth Fairy is a burglarizing fetishist specializing in black-market ivory trade, and she must be stopped. Today’s Groupon helps keep teeth in mouths and out of the hands of maniacal, winged phantasms; for $59, you get a dental exam, teeth cleaning with hand massage, and x-rays at Steliotes Dental Spa in Cannonsburg (a $268 value).
Dr. Ted Steliotes and his friendly staff assuage dental anxiety with general and cosmetic dentistry performed in a luxurious spa. Lit by brilliant chandeliers, a soothing fountain quietly laps as patients sink into plush, marshmallow-lined chairs in Steliotes Dental Spa's relaxing waiting room. During the comprehensive dental exam, tooth technicians investigate oral interiors, gently poking with sanitized instruments to detect dental distress and to tickle laughing devices. A full series of intraoral x-rays helps pinpoint problems lurking beneath the smile's surface, uncovering cavities and screening for signs of oral cancer. A hand massage pampers tired paws during the thorough cleaning, as Dr. Steliotes and his team floss between teeth and scrub and rinse enamel to purge popcorn kernels, plaque, tartar, and residual orange peels from childhood soccer-game halftimes. Steliotes Dental Spa's mouth menders also consult patients on the spa's Botox and Invisalign treatments for no additional charge and welcome each visitor to soak up the indulgent ambience while sipping a beverage from the coffee and juice bar.