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What You'll Get
In the 1950s, many U.S. officials believed they could win the space race by placing lasers on the moon, until they discovered that lasers consume only unwanted fat cells. Let the lasers do their thing with today’s Groupon: for $249, you get a body-slimming package at Stewart Chiropractic in Lodi (a $768 value). The package includes:
- A consultation
- Three 30–40 minute Lapex 2000 BCS LipoLaser sessions
- Three body-vibration sessions<p>
At Stewart Chiropractic, Dr. Kevin Stewart channels over 14 years of experience to target cellulite and unwanted inches with high-tech treatments. After an initial consultation, Dr. Stewart brandishes the Lapex 2000 BCS LipoLaser at specific treatment areas such as the abs, back, bottom, legs, and arms. Like a well-timed joke about your lack of clog-dancing ability, the laser light penetrates 11 millimeters beneath the skin, causing fat cells to shrink as they shed glycerol, water, and fatty acids. A nonsurgical alternative to liposuction, the treatment boasts reduced pain, minimal downtime, and a Pink Floyd soundtrack.
As part of the Lapex treatment, patients stand on a vibration platform that aids the inch-loss process by boosting circulation and lymphatic drainage. The increased flow of fluid carries former fat-cell contents to the liver and kidneys, gives them a forged passport, and smuggles them out of the body disguised as Richard Attenborough. The treatment can also reduce the appearance of cellulite and improve collagen production. Stewart Chiropractic recommends that clients attend three sessions a week for three weeks for best results, after which they may abandon up to 7 excess inches or one parasitic twin.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Mar 11, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 2 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. By appointment only. May redeem across visits. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About Stewart Chiropractic
Since receiving his doctorate degree in Chirporactic in 1993, Dr. Kevin L. Stewart has focused on taking a total-body approach to chiropractic care to help patients overcome injuries, arthritis, shoulder pain, and a vast array of other maladies. Each visit to Dr. Stewart begins with a consultation. He'll investigate any pain and determine how it corresponds to your spine, which is the epicenter of nervous system activity and the reason humans can use other humans to pole vault. Dr. Stewart regularly attends post-graduate seminars to stay abreast of new developments in the field of orthopedics, pediatrics, and helping patients recover from injury.