What You'll Get
Despite their destructive cinematic depictions, most lasers are content with assisting slideshow presentations and translating DVDs for people who don't speak fluent binary. Embrace the altruistic portion of the electromagnetic spectrum with today's Groupon: for $699, you get eight i-lipo laser-lipo treatments at Arbor Lakes Lazer Chiropractic and Wellness (a $1,999 value).
Arbor Lakes Lazer Chiropractic and Wellness’ sophisticated i-lipo laser banishes unwanted fat in an FDA-approved nonsurgical procedure. During a 60-minute treatment, powerful beams of light create small openings in fat cell membranes, causing the cells’ emulsified fat and innermost secrets to spill out. Since the lymphatic system recognizes the runaway fat as cellular refuse, the unwanted adipose can then be naturally processed and removed from the body without the dangers or downtime typically associated with traditional liposuction procedures. Patients can enhance their results by making healthy and active lifestyle choices or by repeatedly watching Honey, I Shrunk the Kids in hopes of further sizing down.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Apr 27, 2012. Amount paid never expires. Limit 1 per person, may buy 1 additional as a gift. Limit 1 per visit. Must be 18 or older; under 18 must have guardian consent. Must use all treatments on same area. Must meet medical requirements, including pre-treatment consultation. Valid treatment areas include abdomen, thighs, buttocks, and love handles. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.