While a horse's teeth tell a trained eye everything about the animal, a human's teeth refuse to tell dentists anything without a lawyer present. Get to the root of the matter with today's Groupon to Susquehanna Dental Arts in Columbia. Choose between the following options:

• For $69, you get a new-patient exam, cleaning, and four bitewing x-rays (a $180 value).
• For $125, you get an at-home teeth-whitening kit with custom-fit trays (a $350 value).

Led by Dr. Owen Allison, the cuspid caretakers at Susquehanna Dental Arts diagnose dental dilemmas and rejuvenate smiles from conundrums caused by tooth discolorations. During new-patient exams, experienced mouth mechanics scope tooth caves for tooth decay, signs of oral cancer, and stowaway swedish fish. Tooth technicians then clean chompers, removing tartar buildup and plaque. Once tongue houses are rendered tidy, incisors and molars pose and smile for four bitewing x-rays, which provide an inside scoop on the interworking of human fangs. Upon completing the examination, the dentist studies the collected data and prescribes a plan for future treatments.

The second option keeps mouth bones beaming with take-home teeth-whitening kits, which include a custom-fit tray and whitening solution. A safer alternative to drinking Wite-Out, the cosmetic concoction works to clean up off-color quadrants and diminish stains caused by coffee, tobacco, or ill-advised teeth tattoos. The solution lasts about two weeks, with maximum effect within the first 10 days of usage. Since each kit provides a custom whitening tray, teeth that are heavily stained or covered by swollen gums may need a cleaning prior to the tray fitting.