Bodies, like marshmallows, movie theaters, and knock-knock jokes, increase in appeal when slightly darkened. Toast sans rays with today's Groupon: for $30, you get three full-body VersaSpa sunless-tanning sessions at Tan Express in Seward (a $59.85 value).

Setting the stage for sun-simulation with tropical flora and vibrant pastel walls, Tan Express pseudo-toasts its guests without the need for UV exposure. One VersaSpa session provides a natural-looking tan that can act as an airtight equatorial alibi. The procedure uses VersaSpa's clothing-safe, streak-free double-bronzer lotion, which is applied to the entire body in 60 seconds within the high-tech bronzing booth. Inside the booth, the EZ-2Breathe purification system keeps air fresh while comfort-dry technology does its job drying the bronzer faster than the summer sun can fry an ostrich egg. The tanning treatment reveals a deep shade of bronze that glows like a burning frisbee moonlighting as a bedazzled UFO.