Historians now believe that man evolved from the Neanderthal due to the discovery Cro-Magnons lacked the ability to tan their chiseled six-packs. Highlight evolutionary musculature with today's Groupon: for $25, you get $50 worth of tanning services and monthly tanning packages at Tan ’n Time's Chester, Colonial Heights, and Hopewell locations.

Tan ’n Time's staff of skin bronzers maintains clean, quality Tan America equipment, bestowing patrons with consistently superb epidermal bronzing. Five levels of premium beds come universally equipped with facial bulbs and cool airflow, which cuffs its air jeans and strums an air guitar. At the Colonial Heights location, Ergoline 600 beds ($19/session) douse skin suits in the rays of 52 bulbs, four facial lamps, and shoulder tanners for maximum umber tones. Refusing to be outdone, the Chester and Hopewell locations house high-pressure Matrix booths ($25/session), which dole out 12-minute sessions that leave skin tints darker than Katie Couric's nightmares. For strengthened base-tans, a month in a super bed ($42.95) gradually piles on russet affectations, and one session in a VersaSpa sunless tanner ($25) voice-guides customers to UV-free bronzing. To keep tans from stressing out about extinction, Tan ’n Time's three locations provide customers with convenient tanning options all over town.