Ever since Original Sin spawned from the bite of a single rogue apple, humanity has adhered to a strict policy of tasting no evil. Today’s Groupon plays by the rules with a dozen carefully catered muffins from Taste No Evil Muffin Company for $12. The Taste No Evil Muffin Trolley will deliver sweet salvation straight to your door when you call a day in advance to place your order ($3 delivery charge). Otherwise, you can pick up your angelic breakfast buddies for free at Taste No Evil’s South Lamar location from 7 a.m. to 2:30 p.m. on Tuesdays through Fridays with later openings on the weekend. Taste No Evil Muffins will be running shortened holiday hours from Thanksgiving through Christmas with closings at 11:30 a.m. rather than 2:30 p.m.
If they didn't know better, most people would swear that Taste No Evil Muffins actually baked a great deal of evil into every muffin batch. Only heaping spoonfuls of sinful decadence, subversion, and zesty blasphemy could make batter so light and fluffy. But like a teddy bear wearing Dr. Doom's armor, owner Karisa Prestera's muffins are far less evil than they seem. All muffins are made with all-natural ingredients like whole wheat flour, organic fruits, nuts and flax meal. They have less sugar than typical muffins, and what sugar they do have is organic evaporated cane juice – a far more virtuous sweetener than that devil's sweat known as high-fructose corn syrup. Vegan and gluten-free options are also available.
You'll find similarly moral choices made throughout Taste No Evil's muffin menu ($2.25). Strawberry citrus sunrise muffins replace butter with applesauce to lower fat without sacrificing moistness. A seasonal offering, sweet pumpkin spice muffins are made without harming the endangered pumpkin possum (which transforms into a pumpkin when threatened, but never remembers how to transform back). You can also round out your special dozen with any combination of perennial flavors, such as blueberry buttermilk bliss, chocolate sinsation, and stuffed cream cheese coffee cake. With today's Groupon, you and your health-conscious friends can enjoy many a muffin top without developing one of your own.
- I love that they use all natural and organic ingredients, but the flavor doesn't suffer. Moist, sweet and flavorful like muffins should be – aww2, Citysearch
- Mmmmmmm now this is the way to cheat on your diet. For being organic and basically healthy, I fell in love with a muffin. – Dawn M., Yelp
- Love at first BITE! Yes, it is possible. – Anna S., Yelp
Use Your Senses to Root Out Evil
What is "evil?" Would you know it if you saw it? Or tasted it? Here's a guide to recognizing evil with your senses:
What Evil Sounds Like: Bats swarming, or any stand-up comedy theorizing what animals would say if they could talk
What Evil Looks Like: Classic visual give-aways of evil include horns, pointy tails, and tattoos of comic strip characters urinating
What Evil Tastes Like: Fresh-baked cookies that turn out to be too salty
What Evil Smells Like: Burnt hair
What Evil Feels Like: Waking up from a nightmare and shouting, "Honey, I had that dream again," only to realize you are sleeping alone on a mattress on the floor
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