Getting a professional haircut is less dangerous than lowering your head over the stove and pulling it back when the strands sizzle up to the right length. Get a smoking-hot new ’do with this Groupon.
Choose Between Two Options
- $20 for two men’s haircut packages with shampoos and shoulder massages (a $44 value)
- $30 for two men’s haircut packages with shampoos, shoulder massages, and straight-razor shaves (a $72 value)
The Atascocita Barbershop
The Atascocita Barbershop appears in horror writer S.P. Snowdrift's most famous tale, The Dunwich Haircut, reprinted here:
The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the male mind to discern what truly lurks beneath the surface of his leathered jowls. We calmly backstroke in a sea of our own ignorance, lest the terrifying vista of reality drive us into a collective madness. And yet such a little thing tore aside the veil and revealed the chittering entities lurking beneath. Oh, that my eyes could have remained blissfully shut!
It began as a … growth of some sort, a coarse eruption of hair along my cheeks, chin, and upper lip where none had been before. It was subtle at first, yet it seemed to grow longer every day, I was sure of it. I avoided the doctor, for what rational scientific explanation could have dispelled such an impossible occurrence? When it became too obvious to conceal any longer, I retreated to my chambers, rarely even lighting the lamp for fear of catching a glimpse of myself in the fragmented mirror that I had failed to completely shatter.
One stormy, starless night, I covered the vile villus with a scarf as best I could and hurried through the streets to a man that I heard specialized in such matters: the Barber of Atascocita. I caught him just as he was closing up shop. I was worried he would run screaming in terror when I removed my scarf, yet he barely blanched.
"Shave your beard?" asked the man. I succumbed to his sprightly voice and clung to the large, leather chair as he clipped away the choking, tentacular growth with scissors and slathered the remainder with some eldritch, aloe-scented cream. I screamed in terror when he brandished a straight razor, but that only seemed to unnerve him. I insisted that he dose me with laudanum beforehand, which he seemed only too happy to do. When I awoke, that dear man, my savior, was subjecting my shoulders to a relaxing massage. My face was clean as the light that casts out the darkness, all trace of the corruption vanished.
And yet, I fear my nightmare is the nightmare of the universe and will end only when it does. For already, I believe I have detected some emerging strands, that telltale itch along the bottom of my jaw. The Great Old Ones lie waiting. Ever waiting. If I should not reach the barber again in time …
The Atascocita Barbershop
At The Atascocita Barbershop, barbers help men look their best with classic, timeless haircuts and fresher, more modern looks. The staff chisels away at whiskers with old-school shaves and hot-towel wraps, leaving faces clean and smooth to the touch. They skillfully shape hairstyles into elegant flat tops, fades, and tapers with the same adeptness they use to sculpt mohawks. Complimentary shoulder and neck massages can ease the tension of seeing your fallen hair spell out “Why?” along the barbershop floor.