What You'll Get
Similar to past tenses, tense backs are related to things that happened a while ago and are incomprehensible to most 5-year-olds. Brush up on the basics of back bliss with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a one-hour Swedish massage at The Den in Bartlett (a $60 value). Although The Den sometimes offers specials, this Groupon is still the best deal available.
The Den’s licensed massage therapists use their adroit digits to loosen muscles made rigid from stress, strain, or a century-long stint in a cryogenic freezer. Each one-hour Swedish massage is tailored to repair specific physical afflictions and induces a state of deep mental relaxation with deliberate synchronized strokes and occasional outbursts of "Bork." Lying supine amid comfortable accommodations, men, women, and snowmen let their accumulation of anxiety melt away until only serene carrot noses, charcoal smiles, and discomfort-free twig appendages are left behind. Massage's benefits on each patient's health include streamlined circulation, mass production of endorphins, and a more positive self-image.
The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Dec 31, 2011. Amount paid never expires. Limit 2 per person, may buy 2 additional as gifts. Limit 1 per visit. 24hr cancellation notice required. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.