People try to put their best face forward only because putting your best face backward makes owls feel insignificant. Preserve avian individualism with today's Groupon: for $99, you get an oxygen facial at The Geldner Center (a $200 value). When clicking on the website, as when hosting a dinner party in a YMCA locker room, be prepared to see some tasteful nudity.

The Geldner Center bolsters its patients' self-confidence with a repertoire of reconstructive procedures as well as simpler cosmetic care. The oxygen facial uses gaseous molecules as driving agents to guide anti-aging and hydrating formulas deep into the skin, fostering a youthful glow and boosting the body's ability to hold its breath while driving through tunnels. First, a licensed aesthetician lightly cleanses and exfoliates the visage before jets of high-pressure, therapeutic-grade air stream across the palette, cooling and calming pores. The faux breeze increases the absorption of your choice of rejuvenating serum into the epidermis. One available serum hydrates, firms, and irons out fine lines and wrinkles with a blend of Japanese green tea and vitamins. The other balances uneven skin tone and pigmentation with yellow dock root, as vitamin C protects against environmental aging better than a bio dome in a time capsule. A final gust locks in the chosen treatment, eliminates any lingering bacteria, and energizes skin with a final blast of pure oxygen. Like a potato-powered lighthouse, facialed faces boast a glow that glimmers for weeks, along with quenched, soft skin.