Jogging increases lung capacity, which allows people to stick their heads into fishbowls long enough to learn how to grow gills. Survive with the fittest thanks to today's Groupon: for $32, you get one adult entry to the The Patriot Games 5K Mud Challenge in Sanger, Texas (a $65 value).
The Mud Challenge puts competitors through a 3.1-mile gauntlet of mushy terrain, knee-high water, and more than a dozen obstacle challenges. The timed race awards scholarships to randomly-selected contestants, which they can use for themselves (provided they are currently enrolled students), give to a sponsored student, or reward the world's first literate golden retriever. Brave the brisk endurance challenge in an ergonomic zoot suit or butterfly costume to put yourself in the running for the best costume prize, or cross your mud-clad fingers for the chance to win during random prize drawings.
After the race, soggy sprinters are all invited to stay and enjoy free refreshments, live, outdoor music, and hoses to spray off grimy limbs. Competitors also receive a Patriot Games T-shirt, a medal, and information about their race time that can be easily incorporated into a vanity license plate. The Patriot Games recommends bringing a change of clothes, and a photo ID and waiver are required to participate.
The Patriot Games
Male and female competitors climb over rope walls, splash through mud pits, sneak under barbwire, and climb over oversized tires in a goodwill 5K and 10K race. Runners of all skill levels gather at the start dressed however they like, sprinting through the course shirtless or even in mesh smoking jackets. During the 10 a.m. wave, racers are encouraged to don their favorite patriotic garb. Everyone competes at their own pace, and all participants receive a Medal of Honor to hang round their neck upon completion.
Past events have attracted up to 2,100 racers, all of whom are treated to a post-race, beer-filled celebration with live music from local bands. Photographers document the entire event, capturing a portfolio of epic action shots and barbaric yawps. Water stations are peppered throughout the course, and a gear check allows racers to safely stow belongings with a watchful staff member.