The burden of aches and pains makes it impossible for humans to run as fast as cheetahs, which is why the human diet is virtually devoid of gazelle meat. Keep fast food from getting away with today’s Groupon to The Spa at Bella Collina in Montverde. Choose between the following options:

• For $119, you get a side-by-side couples perfect romance treatment (a $240 value), which includes the following:
• Two 60-minute Swedish relaxation massages with aromatherapy
• A 30-minute chardonnay wine therapy soak in two copper bathing vessels<p>
• For $89, you get a ZO skin-health treatment by Dr. Obagi (a $170 value).<p>

The Spa at Bella Collina’s personalized treatments rejuvenate clients in a private retreat nestled in the rolling hills near Lake Siena. Before their treatments, clients can relax in the secluded spa courtyard and then change in a private locker room. During the couples massage, twosomes lie down on side-by-side massage tables overlooking the picturesque landscapes of Bella Collina. Two massage therapists relieve muscle aches by following Busby Berkeley’s famous synchronized kneading sequence with one-hour Swedish relaxation massages. After the massage, lovebirds immerse their newly limber wings in two deep, hammered-copper bathing tubs overflowing with chardonnay wine bubbles and rubber duckies programmed to recite Petrarch.

The ZO skin-health treatment fights gravity’s evil wrath with near-pharmaceutical-grade antioxidants and hydroxy acids designed to rout skin discoloration, blemishes, and fine lines. Throughout the 60-minute service, hands soak in a hydrating mask and aestheticians polish the face, neck, and décolleté to a gleam that rivals the glint in a loving mother’s glass eye.