Despite Aesop’s intentions, the moral of The Tortoise and the Hare became muddled after zoologists found that the average tortoise shell weighs less than an ounce, is aerodynamically flawless, and wicks sweat. Emulate fleet-footed reptiles with today’s Groupon: for $30, you get entry for one to The Survival Race, which takes place in New Windsor on May 21 ($60 value).
The Survival Race tests the mettle of rowdy racers of all fitness levels with a heart-pounding 5-kilometer dash laced with grimy impediments and ample accumulations of mud. Push your velocitations to the max on a 20- to 40-minute obstacle course covering 3.02 miles of muck and merciless terrain. Dirt-coated adversaries must swing across swamps, conquer Mt. Mud, trek through the Tires of Terror, sprint through the River Run, hurdle the Fire Jump, scale the Cargo Net Climb, and slither through the Mud Pit on their way to victory. Combining the competitive glee and fun-loving fitness challenge of a conventional race with the muddy revelry of a piano recital, The Survival Race frees the inner child from the shackles of adulthood and the straitjacket of cleanliness. Contestants must be at least 14 years old and should bring a change of clothes.
The Survival Race
The Survival Race’s 5-kilometer track challenges racers to navigate a gauntlet of mud-laden terrain. Staggered waves of up to 300 runners each conquer military-style obstacles, wade through murky water, and slide through muddy trenches before reaching the finish line to celebrate at a shindig awash with delicious eats and smitten swamp monsters. Afterward, a Facebook album aids online nostalgia by showcasing dirt-caked athletes and their marshy feats.