Similar to old pennies, environmental toxins are ubiquitous, harmful if swallowed, and may contain trace amounts of Abraham Lincoln. Impeach toxins from the body with today's Groupon: for $99, you get a lymphatic-drainage therapy treatment (a $125 value) and a consultation (a $150 value) at Total Health Institute in Wheaton (a $275 total value).
Chiropractic physician Keith Nemec and his wife Laurie practice advanced alternative health-care methods that focus on achieving well-being through holistic therapies. A 20- to 30-minute consultation preps patients for the one-hour therapy treatment, during which the doctor uses a machine and two gas field wands to conduct a gentle lymphatic massage. This noninvasive treatment is designed to give thick, stagnant lymph fluid a water-like consistency to stimulate drainage of toxins from cells, glands, tissues, organs, funny bones, and melancholy joints. In addition, the procedure aims to disperse white-blood-cell traffic jams, sending them speeding in all directions of the body to dispel inflammation, bacteria, and instances of vein rage.