Seventeenth-century shipping routes drastically improved once navigators began referring to actual maps of waterways instead of the veins on their thighs. Steer clear of veiny skin with today's Groupon: for $150, you get one sclerotherapy spider-vein treatment at Total Vein Care in Fort Collins (a $300 value).

At Total Vein Care, board-certified phlebologist Dr. Steven Kaufman uses his more than 20 years of medical experience to help relieve patients of spider-veined skin and other venous maladies. Using sclerotherapy—a safe injection of detergent solution—Dr. Kaufman seals veins shut, cutting off blood supply and causing webbed veins to slowly disappear or relocate to the arms of human-arachnid superheroes. Each session covers one leg and lasts approximately 20 minutes, or roughly the same amount of time it takes to learn Hot Cross Buns on the keytar. Most patients require one to four treatments per leg to reach desired results. Procedure only performed on Thursday from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m.