While some believe that gymnasts are the most relaxed creatures on Earth, floating gymnasts are in fact more serene. Today's Groupon pacifies body and mind: for $39, you get a one-hour saltwater floatation session at True REST Float Spa, located in Scottsdale (a $79 value). Cut off the copious distractions of the everyday during a tranquility vacation that massages your thoughts and calms all physical turmoil and psychic sprains.

The privacy and security to float securely and privately is a rare treat normally reserved for animal-hybrid soldiers and avatars. True REST Float Spa restores cerebral stasis through its floatation pods, which deliver the poetic sounds of silence and the hypnotic rhythms of still water. Prospective hydronauts prep with a warm shower before entering an enormous resting pod filled with 10 inches of pure water supersaturated with special salts imported from German pretzel factories. The resulting aqueous solution effortlessly cradles the body as if it's floating through air, putting the mind in screen-saver mode while uniting the hemispheres of the brain for future streams of inspired thinking and problem-solving clarity. Dissolved salts may improve skin while increasing blood circulation and alleviating muscular pain and soreness. Resters also get the option to customize their experience with different lighting options and music to gently manipulate the senses as they recharge.

It's unfortunate that floating in a sweater closet is such a linty mess and floating on an ice-cream island with root-beer rivers invariably causes belly rumbles. Ultimately, a 60-minute float delivers the rejuvenating personal vacation that shoe shopping and Taquito Night can never deliver.