Attend to aching joints and spinal strife with 60 serene minutes of professional back bending and knot kneading with today’s Groupon. For $25, you’ll get a one-hour Swedish massage at Uptown Dermatology & SkinSpa, a $65 value.
Minimalistic décor and natural tones (grass-hued walls, airy windows, exposed beams) immediately turn the relaxation dial to 10.
Massage therapist Olaf Brown spent years honing his kinesthetic command with a national certification for therapeutic massage and an AAS in massage therapy from Minnesota School of Business. Not content to be simply a samurai of stress-relief, he is a sensei as well, and his customized care also includes a brief tutorial on how to self-mend your muscular woes at home through stretching and massage.
This Groupon is perfect if you need relief from holiday planning, have recently been mailed somewhere in a crate, or need to recharge after a stressful work week.
Watch Your Back
Like palm reading or phrenology (the art of reading the noble delineations of one’s head), the contours of your back can be read to tell the story of your past, present, and destiny. For instance, did you know:
A lifelong absence of back hair means that you are actually half-dolphin. Congratulations! Returning to the sea means a lifetime of not having to pay taxes. Congratulations!
An abundance of freckles means that you are actually half-leopard. Immediately return to your leopard roots by leaping off the table and fatally mauling the ornamental ceramic gazelle in the foyer.
Extremely prominent shoulder blades mean you are half-angel. Immediately confront your parents regarding this terrible and wondrous secret. Note: These partial wings are not strong enough to support human flight, but can be used to open old-fashioned Coke bottles, instantly impressing everyone on the beach.
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