In an automatic car wash, autos get clean without the dangers of bumbling human hands, much like getting teeth polished by a telekinetic dentist. Take a hands-off approach to car cleanliness with today's Groupon: for $25, you get five Ultimate car washes at Utah Auto Spa in West Valley City (a $50 value).

The touch-free Water Wizard and soft-wash Sparklesoft units at Utah Auto Spa dole out Ultimate washes with automated technology and vehicle-vivifying products in roughly eight minutes. For the car that prefers a gentle touch, the Sparklesoft carefully whisks away dirt and road debris with soft brushes. Alternatively, brush-sensitive autos can enjoy the no-touch Water Wizard, which employs only water pressure to remove gunk, beginning with a thorough undercarriage wash that whisks away mud, grime, and hook-handed hitchhikers from the car's nether regions. Donning the guise of a good cop, a double-pass hot presoak wears away at filth's defenses, before a bad-cop pressure rinse takes a more direct approach. Wheels and tires are blasted or scrubbed by an automated rocker panel. Then triple-foam conditioner and clear-coat protectant smooth away wrinkles from the car's road-weary skin, and LustraShield hot wax creates a surface gloss that clearly reflects the jealous, open-mouthed stares of other cars on the road. Vainglorious vehicles finally shed excess moisture with a double pass from the automatic dryer.