Even with proper diet and exercise, stubborn fat deposits have a tendency to loiter in the body, keeping neighboring musculature up all night grumbling about the incessant eviction attempts. Give portly protoplasm the final boot with today's Groupon: for $999, you get six body-slimming Zerona treatments at The Vein & Aesthetic Center of Boston in Dedham (a $2,200 value).

The Vein & Aesthetic Center of Boston's experienced physicians implement noninvasive aesthetic treatments in order to enhance the body's natural beauty. The FDA-approved Zerona treatment breaks down body fat with low-level lasers. Before treatment, clients meet with an amicable aesthetician for a 30-minute consultation to review the extensive treatment plan that encompasses six 40-minute sessions over a two-week period. Then, clients relax underneath a cold laser light that gently renders superficial fat cells porous, enabling the body's lymphatic system to expunge subterranean chub via widened protoplasmic portals. This fat-cutting procedure is nearly pain-free and requires little to no downtime, allowing clients to resume their daily routines quickly afterward. Patients typically experience results (up to 3–4 inches off the waist, hips, and thighs on average) about a week after completing the six-session regimen.

During and following the treatments, the staff recommends that clients take nutritional supplements to assist the body as it undergoes the natural detoxification process of fat liquidating. Although the Zerona treatment claims to remove some excess fat, it does not make fat cells disappear like a ravenous macrophage magician; diet and exercise are still considered elemental in maintaining a healthy silhouette.

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