Some washing machines rotate at the inverse velocity of time, creating tiny wormholes just large enough to transport a single sock into another dimension. Keep garments clean and in this universe with today's Groupon: for $25, Village Laundromat will pick up, wash, fold, and deliver up to 50 lbs. of laundry (up to a $62.50 value).

Village Laundromat delivers fresh-folded laundry seven days per week within a 25-mile radius of Newark. Schedule a pick-up over the phone or send soiled socks up your flagpole and Village Laundromat liaisons will whisk away washables. Blouses, bed sheets, and breeches are given a sudsy bath, complete with fabric softener and bleach if necessary. Each article is then folded neatly and delivered to your doorstep faster than the speed at which electricity flows through copper wiring. Businesses in need of unsullied uniforms and spotless tablecloths can also put this Groupon to good use.