Soak away the worries that have lodged themselves in the nooks of your joints and the crooks of your connective tissues, while inhaling a bouquet of soothing, therapeutic scents. Today's Groupon restores your body to a nubile state of relaxed joyousness unlike any since you got your braces removed by a man who claimed to be in the circus. For $30, you get a 60-minute Swedish massage at Vitality Unlimited Spa, a $68 value. Retreat to Vitality Unlimited Spa's beautiful sanctuary, located conveniently in Webster Groves, and feel the pressures of the outside world dissolve off your soon-to-be-tension-free shoulders.
Unnatural ways to relieve tension, such as opiates and catharsis reached through Bette Midler movies, can leave you feeling sluggish, numb, and covered in tributaries of supposedly waterproof mascara. Massage is a safe and natural way to get rid of tension that can also boost your energy and improve your overall health, like Atlas shrugging off the weight of the world. You don't need a prescription or Pay-Per-View account to reap the benefits of massage; releasing the tension from your overworked muscles can help prevent injury from your New Year's resolution to work out or your complimentary-cocktail-fueled dancing at the company holiday party.
Vitality Unlimited Spa has 11 trained and certified massage therapists ready to holistically help you feel relaxed and energized, and prevent injuries in future athletic endeavors. Like master artists, they'll work your muscles under the light scent of essential oils and the delightful strokes of their paintbrushy hands, which are firmer and less bristly than paintbrushes, for an hour. Their soothing strokes will paint you relaxed enough to sail through your holiday visits with in-laws, last-minute gift shopping, and implicitly competitive cookie swaps.
Citysearchers give Vitality Unlimited Spa 4.5 stars:
- The staff is always calm and welcoming and no matter how stressed I am when I enter the door, I feel relaxed when I leave! – berry6
- I visit Vitality Spa every month for waxing and a massage. They are so pleasant and caring! Nelly gives by far the best massage I have ever had! She makes you feel relaxed and comfortable. – abmybabies
- Michele and every one of her staff make Vitality Unlimited a place to be pampered. The private and cozy Spa is filled with a spirit of peace and compassion and is perfect for those that want that special touch. – judy_lynn
The Secret Massage
Sweden is known for both its neutral stance on war and as the inventors of a world-renowned massage technique. The Swedes first perfected their deep, relaxing massage in 1919, but, because they feared their treasured techniques falling into the wrong hands, they kept the existence of the Swedish massage a secret from the world. It was not until 1987, when satellite photos of Sweden revealed a shockingly relaxed populace and dozens of strategic massage bunkers, that the world became aware of the existence of the secret massage.
Naturally, world powers began jockeying for access to the potentially weaponize-able massage, by means both diplomatic and underhanded. Many international observers believe that the 1992 Summer Olympics were, in fact, a complicated ruse carried out by Russia and the United States to distract Sweden long enough to steal their massage, as evidenced by the fact that Sweden won an unexpected 904 Gold Medals that year. Still, the Swedes held tight to their massage until 1999, when Y2K-related fears caused Swedish officials to release classified details of the massage, believing that the world would likely end. Today, the Swedish massage is practiced all over the world, though rumors that the Swedes are secretly working on an even better massage run rampant.
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