Unlike snails, humans cannot carry their houses around with them due to a genetic inability to lift 900 pounds of Sweet’N Low packets. Inhabit a more easily transportable dwelling with today’s Groupon: for $700, you get $1,400 toward any houseboat rental at Waterway Houseboats in Sicamous. Patrons can reserve their buoys for three to seven days, and pricing varies by season and length of rental.

Anchored in the warm mountain waters of Shuswap Lake, Waterway Houseboats designs, builds, and customizes its arsenal of luxurious watercraft for safe and indulgent coastal cruises. The fleet of more than 70 amphibious domiciles accommodates between 10 and 30 guests, and Waterway Houseboats furnishes each bateau with a hot tub, fireplace, and waterslide. Finless seafarers can indulge in the shade of an overhead bimini top or coax a spectrum of gullible sun rays on deck while observing rushing waterfalls and beaches from the stern of a 40-foot-long Mirage 10-sleeper (from $1,400). Intimate scooter gangs can sprawl out their oiled limbs on an 18-person vessel bedecked with an outdoor barbecue and seven bedrooms (from $1,835), or watch as the Waterway’s 94-foot-long three-storey marine majesty, The Legacy, traverses the Shuswap’s 1,000-kilometre expanse in an attempt to parallel park.

In addition to a quality-assurance program that inspects every boat on a 200-point scale, Waterway Houseboats endows river riders with a special-needs floating abode harnessed with wheelchair accessibility and medical necessities. The yacht mavens also make efforts to preserve and protect their indigenous environment, supplying barge dwellers with biodegradable soaps, a recycling program, and an economical battery-charging system to optimize on-board circuits while reviving electric eels.