In a flawed attempt at lawn maintenance, amateurs often construct a scarebee to deter pesky pollinators from cross-contaminating precious thoroughbred plants. Leave yard-care to the experts with today's Groupon: for $25, you get a full lawn-fertilizing treatment from Weed Man (up to a $71 value).
Armed to the eyeteeth with the twin cannons of custom nutrients and EPA-approved weed-wreckers, Weed Man's lawn-care commandos will travel up to 40 miles from central Rockford to rescue innocent yards from the scourge of their thistle-topped brethren. Weed Man's technicians arrive at troubled terraces at predetermined times and zap up to 10,000 square feet of grassy surface with their exclusively brewed fertilizer, promoting increased oxygen flow and bolstering blade esteem with a slow-release collection of nutrients, including nitrogen, potassium, and gardenium. Depending on the time of year, Weed Man’s granular garden brew keeps yards well-nourished for up to eight weeks, making them more equipped to battle weeds, seasonal illnesses, and inferiority complexes from being walked on by humans.