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What You'll Get
Jump to: Reviews | Rotten to the Bone
The hastily stacked column of bones that make up your spine is like a delicate game of Jenga. One poorly positioned block can contribute to years of agony, headaches, and ridicule from competitive family members. Today's Groupon gets you professional help: for $29, you get a consultation, exam, chiropractic adjustment, and 20-minute massage at Wellness Solutions Chiropractic. A wide variety of health issues stem from spinal problems, and chiropractic care could be your non-invasive ticket to feeling better without a messy and costly skeleton transplant.
Chiropractic isn't like astrology where anyone with a crystal ball can coax you into a second-floor storefront and warn you of a redheaded assassin and new romance in the spring; doctors of chiropractic receive at least four academic years of post-graduate education and pass national board examinations before receiving their crystal balls. Chiropractors Amy K. Wood and Matthew A. Wood are graduates of Parker College of Chiropractic, where both received doctor of chiropractic degrees and bachelors of science in anatomy.
Patients say sitting at a desk for eight hours a day isn't the same after the amiable back-benders are through with you. Joints fit together, back pain vanishes, and your guilt over ditching your prom date years ago so that you could throw rocks at a pyramid of discarded televisions disappears. A session also helps with nerve, muscle, and organ disorders, and fights fatigue and depression, ultimately helping you to fight lack of ambition, your to-do list, and the insect men from Mimic. Wellness Solutions can provide much-needed relief Monday through Friday from 9 a.m. to 1 p.m. and Monday through Thursday from 3 p.m. to 6 p.m. Call to set up an appointment and get your exam, professional adjustment, and relaxing massage.
Though online user reviews for chiropractors are uncommon, two patients of Wellness Solutions Chiropractic provide pleased testimonials on the Wellness website:
- I had my first visit on monday and by thursday that week I was able to move my arm with very little discomfort. The only discomfort I have now is in my bicep muscle. The Doctors adjustment my shoulder and used the cold laser to help heal it. I am very pleased with my progress and would recommend them to anyone. – C Taylor
- I injuried [sic] my thumbs while working and saw the Dr. Wood for help. I have had 4 cold laser treatments and have full function on my thumbs with no pain. I still have some weakness in them, but am confident that will also improve. – D Johnson
Rotten to the Bone
The skillful hands of chiropractors don’t come cheap; in fact, almost all chiropractors undergo years of training and certification. Unfortunately, there is always the small percentage of schemers who attempt to buck the system by purchasing pre-skilled hands off the black market and attaching them with painters tape. When looking for a certified chiropractor, avoid the following known charlatans:
- Davis “Cracker Jack” Sunders: After being dismissed from the Indianapolis Chiropractic Learning Annex for sabotaging another student’s practice skeleton with bone-dissolving acid beetles, Sunders opened an unlicensed practice under the city streets, sometimes putting patients out with homemade anesthetic gravy and stealing their spines to use as makeshift tent-poles.
- Stephanie “Bone Man” Benetar: Millionaire heiress to the Benetar Chiropractic Fortune, Stephanie was born all-thumbs but attempted to bribe and bully her way into certification, going so far as to kidnap the mayor’s prized Shar-Pei, Oodles. Once it became clear the mayor was in no way connected with the chiropractic community, she guilelessly shot the animal into space where it became, predictably, super intelligent and currently reviews DVDs on the popular syndicated program Oodles of Flicks.
- Ashford Amethyst, The Rogue Chiropractor of Hatefight Falls: Rumored deceased, this once-great chiropractor was betrayed by townspeople who falsely accused him of listening to music indoors, a repugnant capital offense at the time. Although he willingly went to the burning platform, he swore that one day it would be his own skeleton that would return and seek revenge, adjusting the spines of the unwilling in their sleep, with only a gentle series of popping sounds to warn neighboring children that Ashford’s hands were once again at work.
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The Fine Print
Promotional value expires Mar 31, 2010. Amount paid never expires. New clients only. Limit 1 per person. Offer includes consultation, exam, adjustment, and 20 min. massage. Merchant is solely responsible to purchasers for the care and quality of the advertised goods and services.
About Wellness Solutions Chiropractic
Drs. Amy and Matt Wood met at the Parker College of Chiropractic and walked away with Doctor of Chiropractic degrees, wedding plans, and a shared dream to help others lead lives without pain. Today that dream has been realized at Wellness Solutions Chiropractic, where the duo use various techniques to gently realign the Jenga blocks that makeup the spine. Whether using spinal-decompression therapy to treat bulging discs or low-level laser therapy to manage chronic pain, they work with a focus on total-body health and well-being. Their facility’s exercise space also houses balance balls, wobble boards, and Thera-Bands for physical-therapy patients, and an on-staff massage therapist performs massages that soothe aches and keep stress from snowballing.