Surgical artists sculpt aesthetically lacking thighs into realistic pipes, flabby abs into impressionistic washboards, and hands into postmodern forks. Sculpt frames into collector must-haves with today's Groupon: for $999, you get six Zerona laser body-slimming treatments administered over two weeks at Will Surgical Arts in Ijamsville (a $2,800 value). This Groupon is valid for the area from the bra line to the hip or the hip to the thighs, but all treatments must be used on the same area.

Superfluous curves crumble under the practiced paws of Dr. Michael J. Will and his crew of trained professionals as they accentuate natural beauty with a bounty of advanced cosmetic procedures. Dr. Will smoothes body terrain with six 45-minute Zerona laser treatments, noninvasive procedures that sculpt physiques without requiring downtime. Balmy beams of Zerona laser energy sink through the skin, sending toasty rivers of emulsified fat cells coursing through the bodies' natural detoxification canals and leaving anatomies as smooth and alluring as a dolphin on a dance floor.

Will Surgical Arts' ab artisans emphasize the importance of regular workouts, keeping hydrated, and abstaining from alcohol while liquidating bulky body inventory. This helps encourage surplus fat and thirsty houseguests to leave in a timely fashion.

Ideal candidates for Zerona can perform aerobic exercise for 45 minutes five times a week, refrain from drinking alcohol between treatments, eat a healthy, low-calorie diet and are able to wear compression garments.