Before the advent of laser technology, eyes exercised themselves into 20/20 shape by rolling dismissively at reality TV and intently following the movements of overcaffeinated squirrels. Adjust your workout routine with today’s Groupon: for $2,400, you get bilateral conventional LASIK surgery on both eyes at Woolfson Eye Institute (up to a $5,390 value).
Founder and medical director Dr. Jonathan Woolfson is a board-certified ophthalmic surgeon who aids ocular orbs in seeing clearly by leveraging the experience gained from more than 70,000 procedures (including procedures for a plethora of professional athletes, such as Ovie Mughelli, Curtis Lofton, and Kroy Biermann of the Atlanta Falcons, pictured above, and more than 300 surgeries for other eye doctors). Dr. Woolfson has also provided training and certification for over 100 North American LASIK surgeons. Schedule a complimentary one- to two-hour consultation to determine candidacy for surgery and which type of laser platform will provide the best results, with those ineligible for LASIK receiving a full refund.
Bilateral conventional LASIK surgery takes less than 10 minutes, and can correct vision problems including nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism. Custom LASIK and bladeless LASIK are available for an additional $500 per eye. During surgery, an anesthetic drop numbs the eye, making the procedure virtually painless and preventing it from reliving emotional trauma from its years as a copy editor for LOLCats Weekly. With an eyelid holder keeping skin flaps from roaming around, a state-of-the-art laser reshapes the cornea to predetermined specifications. The eyeball's protective flap is secured without sutures, allowing patients to leave the office with improved vision and fortune-telling ability. Afterward, Woolfson Eye Institute's lifetime assurance plan offers eligible patients who require fine tuning of their spotting spheres future tweaks free of charge for life.