Before the advent of laser technology, eyes exercised themselves into 20/20 shape by rolling dismissively at reality TV and intently following the movements of overcaffeinated squirrels. Adjust your workout routine with today’s Groupon: for $2,400, you get bilateral conventional LASIK surgery on both eyes at Woolfson Eye Institute (up to a $5,390 value).
Founder and medical director Dr. Jonathan Woolfson is a board certified ophthalmic surgeon who aids ocular orbs in seeing clearly by leveraging the experience gained from over 70,000 procedures (including procedures for a plethora of olympic and professional athletes, and over 300 for other eye doctors). Grouponers can schedule a complimentary one- to two-hour consultation to determine candidacy for surgery and the right type of laser platform to use for treatment, with those ineligible for LASIK receiving a full refund. After the consultation, clients may stay for same-day treatment, schedule another appointment, or linger while making shadow puppets using dental equipment.
Lasting three to four hours, bilateral conventional LASIK can correct vision problems including nearsightedness, farsightedness, and astigmatism. Custom LASIK and bladeless LASIK are available for an additional $500 per eye. During surgery, an anesthetic drop numbs the eye, reducing pain while preventing it from reliving emotional trauma from its years as a copy editor for LOLCats Weekly. With an eyelid holder keeping skin flaps from roaming around, a state-of-the-art laser reshapes the cornea. The eyeball's protective flap is secured without sutures, allowing patients to leave the office with improved vision and fortune-telling ability. Afterwards, Woolfson Eye Institute's lifetime assurance plan offers eligible patients requiring fine tuning of their spotting spheres future tweaks free of charge.