A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad science hobby with today’s Groupon. For $69, you get an exam, x-rays, simple cleaning, teeth whitening trays, and a year's worth of whitening gel at SofTouch Family Dental, a $663 value. Two appointments are necessary.

During your initial visit, a comprehensive exam of your ivory horseshoes will be completed, and digital x-rays, which emit significantly less radiation and furballs than conventional x-rays, will be taken to determine if any additional work is needed. After a simple cleaning of your maw pieces, impressions will be made for custom-fitted whitening trays. You'll receive your trays at your second appointment, during which you'll also be supplied with 60 days' worth of whitening gel to take home. Restock on gel when you run out every 60 days for up to one year or until enough sexy, shiny confidence is restored. Dr. Glanville and Stensvad are licensed dentists that top quality equipment in their cozy facility to ensure each patient walks out with a smile that is so wide and bright that they can moonlight as the moonlight.