Butlers, forced by billionaires to mash piles of fruit by hand, invented blenders to prevent carpal tunnel and subsequent demotion to human towel rack. Reap the benefits of their creation with today's Groupon: for $7, you get $15 worth of smoothies and café fare at Tropical Smoothie Café, at either the Portland or Vancouver location.
Tropical Smoothie Café's wholesome smoothies are filled to the gills with fresh fruit, juices, yogurt, chocolate, nuts, and healthful supplements, minimizing the crushing guilt of dessert consumption to a soft heartbeat emanating from the floorboards. Puréed potions such as Pomegranate Plunge (pomegranate, banana, strawberries, cranberry, $4.99) are stuffed with super fruit, and low-fat options, such as Mango Magic (mango, pineapples, non-fat yogurt, $4.29), trick gullible taste buds into believing that they are traversing a candy factory full of whipped-cream lollipops. Supercharged smoothies are stocked with a healthy dose of supplements, such as the Kiwi Citrus Green Tea's antioxidant-laden matcha charge or the Muscle Blaster's whey or soy protein ($4.89 each). Individual supplements can also be added to any other smoothie ($0.49 extra), boosting its magic points by +10.
Solid fare is available in the form of toasted wraps ($6.49), flatbread and 3D-bread sandwiches ($3.99, $6.79, respectively), and gourmet salads ($6.99). Hail a redundant monarchy with the King Caesar wrap (chicken, parmesan, tomatoes, romaine, and caesar dressing on a garlic-herb tortilla), clear the sinuses with a zippy Wasabi Roast Beef sandwich, or wake up and smell the bacon you've extracted from the All American wrap and inexplicably shoved up your nose (eggs, ham, and bacon, hugged by a white-flour tortilla, $4.29).
Prices and items are from the Portland location; prices and menus may vary at the Vancouver location.
Reviews
Seven Yelpers give the Portland Tropical Smoothie Café an average of 3.5 stars:
- Today I had the most amazing Peaches and Silk smoothie. Uhh...yum in a cup. – Francesca J.
- I've had most of the sandwiches and wraps, they're all good, with high quality ingredients and served warm. – Sam W.
Groupon Says
Smoothie Recipes to Accomplish Your Goals
If you can't find a smoothie on Tropical Smoothie Café's menu that will help you accomplish your goals, don't give up. Here's a list of recipes you can make at home to help you become a better you:
- If you want to stop smoking, combine a pint of blueberries, two bananas, a cup of crushed ice, and a gallon of battery acid, which will make cigarette smoke taste like unpleasant battery acid.
- If you'd like to get better at talking to women, mix in three peeled oranges, two kiwis, and a sound chip from a talking wrestling doll. Once the chip lodges in your stomach lining, you can press your belly and effortlessly smooth talk women with romantic phrases such as "Woooo!” and ”I'm gonna take you out to the shed.”
- If you're interested in becoming an extra on a one-hour drama, purée a quarter cup of peanut butter and two tablespoons of chocolate syrup. After drinking it, move to LA and pose as actor Jerry Stiller.
- If you can't trust yourself around living animals, blend two mangoes, three papayas, and an ounce of bleach, which won't kill you, but will take away your ability to pet animals too hard.
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