Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $59, you get a spa package at Ahhh! Massage (up to a $125 value) that includes:
- One 90-minute Swedish massage (up to a $95 value)
- One 30-minute infrared sauna session (up to a $30 value)
The massage specialists at Ahhh! Massage nurture tense muscles with Swedish massage and target toxins with infrared saunas. Therapists employ firm but gentle pressure and smooth strokes to sweep away stress like a Nordic Cinderella with the Swedish massage, releasing tension and increasing circulation.
During sauna sessions, far-infrared light penetrates skin and attacks toxins, which are typically stored in clusters of water molecules. Brave far-infrared waves break up the marauding water gangs, expelling encapsulated gases, toxins, and lingering remnants of TV ad jingles from the body. Ongoing sauna therapy sessions can purify cells, relieve pain, increase blood flow, ease aching joints, boost immune systems, and taunt the arrogant sun.
The massage therapists at Ahhh! Massage want each of their treatments to feel like a vacation from the stresses of daily life. They seem to have taken this idea to its local extreme, decorating their treatment rooms so that each resembles an exotic locale: Hawaii, Fiji, and the Caribbean islands are all represented. Along with the therapists’ soothing Swedish, therapeutic, deep-tissue, or prenatal massage strokes, the tropical decor encourages guests to slip into a state of relaxation disturbed only by the banging of steel drums or the howl of a lonely toucan. When they aren’t tending to backs and shoulders, the staffers perform hot-oil scalp massages and cleansing foot scrubs; the breezy facility also houses an infrared sauna and hydraulic massage beds.