The art of massage was invented by a roaming tribe of virtuosic limbo dancers that found that backrubs allowed the dancers to relax after stressful dance-offs and to stop walking around with their heads bent back to their knees. Unwind like the dance masters of yore with today’s Groupon: for $40, you get a 75-minute massage and acupuncture combo from Alternative Approach Acupuncture and Therapeutic Massage in Colchester (an $85 value). Alternative Approach’s pain-slaying warriors Elizabeth and Mark Cahill subdue cantankerous musculature using therapeutic massage and acupuncture. Elizabeth, a licensed massage therapist, possesses preternatural palpation skills that enable rapid detection and annihilation of knots and trapezius-dwelling trolls. As a licensed acupuncturist and massage therapist, Mark bridges the age-old divide between hands and needles. The treatment begins with 30 minutes of calculated kneads and strain-shredding strokes that compel physical tension to melt faster than an ice-cream cake participating in a Bikram-yoga class. Tiny pressure-deflating needles then festoon physiques during the 45-minute acupuncture session. Bodies leave Alternative Approach with a renewed exuberance that generally results in ABBA sing-a-longs and slow-motion runs through daisy-filled meadows.