Like a tree house, a gym never lets non-members inside and always deflects frogs fired from the neighborhood bully’s slingshot. Hurry up the rope ladder with today's Groupon: for $29, you get a one-month unlimited membership (a $44.95 value), waived initiation fee (a $39 value), and a 30-minute fitness consultation (a $25 value) at Anytime Fitness.

Anytime Fitness, as the name suggests, is open 24 hours a day, seven days a week, and every day during the year with non-stop security. A one-month membership equips bodies with enough treadmills, cycles, elliptical machines, and weights to make them fit enough to run a marathon inside of a swimming pool filled with mud. In a preliminary fitness consultation, clients meet with a certified personal trainer to outline a healthier lifestyle, which includes an exercise regimen and staying away from chocolate cakes filled with pulled pork, and a personal-training orientation familiarizes sheepish biceps with their new, confidence-boosting dumbbell friends. Anytime Fitness's open schedule makes sure you have no excuses not to get in shape—unlike its competitor, Nevertime Fitness, which only opens its single Barrow, Alaska, location during solar eclipses.