Similar to past tenses, tense backs are related to things that happened a while ago and are incomprehensible to most 5-year-olds. Brush up on the basics of back bliss with today's Groupon: for $30, you get a one-hour Swedish massage at Apex Health and Wellness (a $60 value).

Apex Health and Wellness, a full-service chiropractic and rehabilitation clinic for cramping posteriors, subjects sore muscles to the powerful palms of a licensed massage therapist in a one-hour Swedish massage. During the stress-melting session, deep strokes alternate with smooth, gliding motions to massage swollen arteries into prime states of circulation while kneading away anxieties. Firm pressure relaxes muscles and relieves tensions built up from slouching in office chairs and vacuuming high ceilings, while a series of taps and stresses conveys soothing verses of Spanish poetry in Morse code. This personalized massage can help relieve pain from injuries and muscle spasms, improve flexibility, and strengthen shoddy immune systems. Although not include with today's deal, Apex Health and Wellness also specializes in physical medicine and chiropractic therapy for long-term freedom from the tyranny of enraged latissimus dorsi.