Like a potato, if the human body is not properly mashed and moisturized, it will never be used for anything more than a science project battery. Make sure your body is properly fluffed and buttered with today's soothing Groupon: for $35, you get a one-hour Swedish massage and a three-month VIP membership to Avalon Massage & Bodyworks (a $95 value), opposite the Galleria.

As a multifaceted wellness center, Avalon Massage & Bodyworks offers a variety of massages, relaxation techniques, and alternative forms of healing. Put your overworked muscles in the hands of Avalon's own trained and certified therapists during a one-hour Swedish massage (a $50 value for members), in which five different Swedish-style strokes improve circulation and reduce pain and stiffness caused by rubbernecking and botched exorcisms. After your massage, use your three-month VIP membership (a combined $45 value) to bliss out in the whirlpool spa, or exercise newly nimble limbs in the workout facility. VIPs get reduced prices on massages and can make standing massage appointments to fit busy schedules. Access extends to all family members older than age 17 who are no longer able to skateboard off the garage unscathed.

Avalon Massage & Bodywork's trained therapists use hypoallergenic essential lotions and aromatherapy oils in every massage unless otherwise requested. Bring in your own aroma-therapeutic blend of gym socks and pickle juice to enjoy a form of relaxation that only a mother's nose could love. Call to schedule an appointment.

Reviews

Five Google Mappers give the Avalon School of Massage (where Avalon Massage & Bodyworks massage therapists get their training) a perfect five-star average, and four Insider Pagers give it four:

• My wife and I have received massages from this school many times. We have also received massages from other Professional venues. I have to say, that most of these students providing the massages are top-notch. – colton, Google Maps
• Im glad I found Avalon. I learned so much, the teachers there wore [sic] so attentive and knowledgeable. The office staff was so nice and helpful. The students there give such a great massage not that fluff and buff kinda stuff like other places. – Cat C., Insider Pages