Without the loosening effects of massage, shoulders would stiffen into immobility and fall victim to freeloading parrots and the burden of carrying Earth's heavyset brother, Girth. Pamper your perches with today's Groupon: for $20, you get a one-hour pumpkin-spice aromatherapy massage at Back2Life in Meridian (a $70 value).

The licensed massage therapists at Back2Life banish tightness from torso kingdoms with their seasonally themed pumpkin spice massage. During the massage, professional back whisperers harness the power of soothing strokes and pinpointed pressure to cause tension to flee from the body faster than a roadrunner flees from a clingy significant other. Clients slip into relaxed reverie atop a padded massage table and recall memories of falls spent tutoring jack-o'-lanterns as scents of pumpkin and spices fill the air with the aromas of autumn.