A perfectly white smile determines how others perceive you by shining brightly enough to blind them to your second head and compound eyes. Let dazzling teeth disguise the effects of your mad-science hobby with today’s Groupon: for $179, you get a Zoom! Whitening treatment at CJ Dental (a $550 value).

Zoom! Whitening treatments use a combination of whitening gel and specially designed lights to send vagabond stains and splotches packing, leaving teeth up to eight shades lighter with one 45-minute session. Following a brief dental exam to determine if customers' teeth will benefit from the whitening, a technician will then apply the light-activated gel and blast away discoloration with the special Zoom! lamp. Each Zoom! session is broken up into three 15-minute whitening applications, after which patients receive a custom take-home whitening tray to keep shining fluoride for home application, and ancient magical incantations for healthy bicuspids.